It was the summer of 2011. We were young(er), had no kids and completely free. We did what we wanted…when we wanted. With few consequences to our actions. Wanna go see a 10:30pm movie on a work night? Sure why not. Wanna drink a bottle of wine…each? Absolutely – we could sleep in as late as we want and lounge around hungover the next day. Life was good.

There was one responsibility we did have though…and it was owning a house. We moved to the suburbs and bought our first home a little younger than most of our friends, but we also got married young. And although we totally felt up to the challenge, there were a few times our youth showed. Like when I locked myself out of the house (with my cell phone inside) and had to go to my neighbor’s house to see if I could use her phone to call my mom. That was a low moment.

But that was nothing. The following story is perhaps one of my all-time favorite Shamdum stories. It was an ordinary Monday. Adam and I both work from home and were each in our offices – mine upstairs, his downstairs. All of a sudden, the doorbell rang about 20 times in a row. I had no idea what was going on, but figured it was a delivery man just being annoying. I was on a conference call and I heard Adam run up to get it, so that was the end of it…or so I thought.

About an hour later, Adam came into my office covered in mud and sweat. What could possibly have happened??

First let’s rewind to the night before. We had friends over. Adam insisted on making a fire in the fire pit as he often does. We had a few drinks and made smores. It was a pretty tame night. The fire died down and we went to bed. When Adam woke up in the morning, he saw it was going to rain. So to prevent the soot in the fire pit from turning into mud, he wanted to empty it out before the rain started. It had been about 16 hours since we had the fire and it appeared to be completely put out, so he went back behind our shed and dumped out all the soot. And went back inside to work.

That’s where the doorbell comes into play. It was our neighbor from the house diagonally behind us. A kid actually. He was home from college and happened to be hanging out by his pool. That’s when he saw the flames. Turns out, there was one teeny tiny little ember still lit somewhere at the bottom of that pile of soot. It eventually spread and quickly turned into a crazy fire.

When Adam opened the door the kid screamed “Dude – your house is like on fire!!” Adam didn’t even know what he was talking about. But when he ran out back, there he saw the whole side of the backyard next to the shed engulfed in flames. Right under the canopy of pine trees, blazing 20 feet high. And it was incredibly close to catching the whole shed on fire and moving up those pine trees which would have been a disaster and horror for our house and likely our whole neighborhood. Thankfully the kid had already called the fire department and Adam ran to get the hose. In a frantic, spastic fit of rage, he dragged the hose across the property, literally knocking out every flower, plant and chair in his path. Things were a mess as he started trying to put the fire out himself.

(I know right now you’re thinking – what the hell? This is so not a classic Shmadum story. This isn’t funny at all. And you’re right. But don’t worry, it has a happy ending…starting now).

Thank god, Adam was able to put out the flames completely and all was good. Just as he was wrapping up a police officer came running around the back. Now you need to picture the scene. It’s 1pm on a Monday. Adam is wearing mesh shorts and an old tee-shirt with the sleeves cut-off (that part I can’t explain) with no shoes. And is covered in mud. Our backyard looking like the scene from the day after a huge high school party. He asked Adam to tell him EXACTLY what happened.

So Adam proceeded to tell him about having friends over the night before – having a few drinks, really wanting to make smores, the fire pit, etc. Recounting the whole story up until the present moment. So the police officer, taking notes, looks up and says – okay, well everything seems to be under control here so I’m going to call the fire trucks off, and Adam thanked him.

Then the officer told him he would need to take down some information for his report. And here is how that conversation went:

Officer: What’s your name?

Adam: Adam.

Officer: And you live here?

Adam: Yes.

Officer: And where are your parents?

Adam: They’re at work.

Officer: Where do they work?

Adam: In Suffern.

Officer: And when will they get home?

Adam: I have no idea.

Officer: Approximately.

Adam: I don’t know, maybe like 6pm?

Officer: Okay, well I’m going to need to talk to them.

Adam: You need to tell my parents?

Officer: Yes.

Adam: Why?? (Still completely clueless)

Officer: It’s standard protocol.

Adam: I don’t understand, the fire is under control…why do my parents need to find out about this?

Officer: (Getting kind of annoyed) Because I need to tell the homeowner.

Adam: Wait, what? This is my house.

Officer: Right – you live here. But they own it.

Adam: No, no no…this is MY house. I own it. I pay the mortgage and everything.

Officer: (Looking him up and down) You own this house?

Adam: Yes.

Officer: YOU own this house??

Adam: YES! I work from home which is why I’m wearing this casual and completely ridiculous looking outfit.

(Okay I made up the last part…he still doesn’t realize how ridiculous that outfit was).

Officer: Umm…okay. Wow. Well then I  guess we’re done here. Just…make sure the fire is completely out next time okay?? (As our dog Riley jumped on up on him and got her muddy paws all over his uniform.)

And that’s the story of the time Adam almost set our house on fire and the police thought he was the irresponsible kid living in his parents house who was just home in the middle of the work day doing nothing but wearing a ridiculous outfit.

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A week later, Adam was catching a train to the city for a client meeting and stopped to pick up a bagel first. He was decked out in a suit (he cleans up well). And there in the store was the same police officer. So Adam felt the need to go over to him and say: “Hi Officer, do you remember me?” The police officer showed absolutely no recognition. So Adam said: I was the guy with the fire in the backyard last week.” And then motioned for the officer to look him up and down in his suit, and said giddily with a huge grin on his face: “I have a meeting today…see??” To which the officer responded (totally deadpan, and not at all amused): “Good for you.” #shmadum