By now some of you may be wondering – why Shmadum? It all goes back to his inability to function as a normal human being on social media. He actually did used to be on Facebook back in the day, but quit when he decided Facebook was going to steal his identity or something equally dramatic. He dropped out of social media completely for a while, but then decided to re-join under an alias so no one would know who he was. He named himself Adam Shmadum and used a picture of the little boy from the animated movie Up as his profile.

He only accepted about seven friends (so count yourself lucky if you were one of them). And he even went as far as submitting a Facebook marriage request to me for his profile. Call me vain, but there was no way I was going to say I was married to Adam Shmadum. So that request went unanswered. He eventually quit Facebook – again – but this time for good, and now uses Instagram to post an inordinate amount of pictures of our renovated bathroom and his garden – none of which anyone wants to see in that level of detail.

But the real story here goes back way further. Before Facebook was even known or used by the masses. This story takes us way back to the days of Friendster, for those of you old enough to even remember. Let’s be honest, it was a D-list version of Facebook at best – but it was the first thing my friends and I had out of college to connect with one another (besides AOL Instant Messenger). So it gained popularity fast, and became obsolete just as quickly.

I was only a few months into working at my first job out of college – at a high profile ad agency in New York. I was the youngest on the team and trying hard to prove myself with everyone – including my immediate boss, who was only a few years older than me and someone with whom I’d become fast friends. On this one particular day I had been gone for several hours from my desk at meetings and came back to a series of messages from Adam – each more urgent than the last. It went something like this…

“Aimee, call me back – this is important.”

“Aimee – where are you? I really need to talk to you.”

“This is ridiculous – how can you not answer your phone?!?”

“THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!”

And finally: “Forget it – I handled it. Thanks a lot for the help.”

I got more and more panicked as I listened to each message, my mind racing about what could possibly have happened. I immediately called him back. Imagine my surprise (and horror) when I found out what had actually occurred. Apparently my boss had requested him as a friend on Friendster…and he didn’t know what to do.

You see they weren’t “really” friends, so he didn’t “feel comfortable” just accepting her request. That would be disingenuous. But he was concerned that denying her friend request would make things really awkward for me at work, or worse – jeopardize my career in some way. Hence the panicked urgent calls seeking my guidance.

My immediate thought of course was “what the hell is wrong with you?!” – but I couldn’t even get that out because I then realized his last message said he had “handled it.” Oh god. What could that possibly mean??

Turns out he did accept her request. But on a “probationary period.” He actually sent her a note back saying he will accept her friend request on a probationary period of a month and see how things go. If he feels their friendship progresses, then he’ll keep her on permanently.

For real. Like this actually occurred. And he was completely serious.

I was MORTIFIED. Shortly after, I got called into her office and I couldn’t even imagine how I was going to face her. But when I walked in, she was just laughing, and told me that Adam sent her the funniest note back on Friendster and what a great sense of humor he has. I simply responded with “Yep – he’s a riot.” #Shmadum